Tuesday, May 8, 2012
The week before last, I felt totally pregnant. I felt just like I did right after we conceived Henry: bloated, weird flutter things, general crampiness--stuff like that. Last week and this week, not so much. I took a pregnancy test that we had lying around, and it was negative. I didn't expect it to be positive (even though I think I'm pregnant) because I took it so early.
So now we wait. We wait until it makes sense to take a pregnancy test again. On the one hand, I was so convinced I felt pregnant two weeks ago (and last week I wanted to take a nap nearly every afternoon). On the other hand, it would be out-of-this world unbelievable if we were able to get pregnant on our first try for two consecutive children. I'm not sure I can wrap my brain around just how crazy that would be.
The prospect of deciding to get pregnant, trying, and then getting pregnant quickly has given me a false sense of being able to control this process. I need to take this opportunity to remind myself that we cannot control getting pregnant, carrying the baby to term, safely delivering the baby, and growing the baby into a healthy adult. We can do our very best to control the inputs--we can do everything within our control to create the most nurturing environment for these things to happen--but we ultimately can't control whether or not they happen. Life is a fragile gift, and we must appreciate it deeply.