Tuesday, July 3, 2012

It's Official: We're Having a Miscarriage

Matt and I went to the ultrasound appointment yesterday. I was surprisingly able to rein in my tears. All of my optimism from last week was gone, and I was completely expecting to hear that the pregnancy was no longer viable. I was worried, however, that the developing fetus would be somewhere it wasn't supposed to be, especially when the technician needed to do a transvaginal ultrasound in addition to the regular ultrasound. I was relieved to hear that the pregnancy stopped developing around five or six weeks, and that the fetus is relatively small. 

I've decided to wait and see if I can miscarry naturally. It was a hard decision to make because most of my friends who have miscarried recommend opting for the D&C instead. I would prefer to let my body do its work, but I'm fine getting a D&C if I need to. 

I'm still in a sad place. Reading many of your comments and personal e-mail messages brought tears to my eyes. But I'm also finding my way back to equilibrium. I trust my body and the natural processes of Nature. I also look forward to taking care of my body and nurturing it back into a healthy place so it's ready to sustain another life.

This past weekend, Matt and I bought a vase at Uncommon Objects. I think I will plant a succulent in it and dedicate it to our sweet baby who will always be in our hearts.



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45 comments:

Stephanie said...

I am so sorry you have lost your dear baby.

If you have time go read up on spirit babies from Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent.

So lovely a thought.

Carrie said...

Thinking of you.

katharina said...

That was sad to hear. Thinking of you all.

Amy A, said...

So sorry to hear about your devastating loss. Thank you though for sharing your feelings. You are providing support to so many others.

Michele said...

My heart is aching for you. Take care of yourself. Much love. M

BRIDGET said...

So sorry to hear this sad news for you and your family. Take all the time you need to deal with your grief and be gentle on yourself. I suffered a missed miscarriage in January at 12 weeks (fetus stopped growing at 8). I've experienced the full spectrum of emotions in the months since as my body and mind have recovered, but ultimately I'm a stronger in myself for having experienced it. Wishing you and Matt all the strength you need to get through this time.

Jules said...

I am so, so sorry you all are having to go through this. We lost a little one very early on last December, so I understand the feelings and emotions you must be going through. Sending big virtual hugs your way!

E said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, but I applaud your equanimity about it. Death is a part of life, and this baby's time hasn't come quite yet. I was also going to recommend Babycatcher by Peggy Vincent- it's really a comforting and uplifting read. Wishing you and your family all the best in this difficult time.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage sucks. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Christine

Anonymous said...

Hi Sarah,

I'm so so sorry to hear about your loss. I know you've decided to try to miscarry naturally, and that you have other people in your life you trust to advise you on this. Let me just say that I would consider a D&C. I miscarried naturally at 7 weeks, and there was already a LOT of material to pass. It was difficult, physically painful, and disturbing, and although I felt grateful that my body knew what to do, looking back on it now I wish I had not put myself through that process. Everyone needs to grieve in their own way, but we don't always need to do things the hardest way possible. I hope you have plenty of support in this difficult time.

Naantje said...

Oh Sarah, dear Matt, I feel so sorry for you! Yes, you already have Henry to be grateful for, but that doesn't make your loss any less devastating. I can only wish both of you the strength you'll need to go through this. Take your time to grieve, this is a sad thing to go through. Lots of love!

V. Wetlaufer said...

So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you both.

Kristin said...

Big, big hugs to you and Matt.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Megan said...

So sorry to hear this. My first two pregnancies were miscarriages, similarly far along to yours. I had them both naturally at home. If you want to talk with someone who's gone through it I'd be happy to talk with you. Holding you in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry to hear this news. I hope you will be able to find comfort in the support of loved ones and in knowing that there are so many reading here who will also hold this lost little one of yours in their hearts. Wishing you peace and healing.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a d&c just a few weeks ago. I was at 11 weeks as well. The fetus had 'disappeared' and the tests of the tissue from the d&c showed it to be a partial molar pregnancy. It was somewhat consoling to know that the pregnancy was never meant to be, but still there is sadness. I wish you and your family much love and support during this difficult time.

Kelsey said...

Sara, I'm so very sorry. I am holding your family in my heart.

Molly said...

Oh Sara,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Funny things about blogs - I'm just a stranger out here cheering you on as you build and live your beauitful life. I'm sorry that you are enduring this. Here's to the strength you know you have to (in time) move through this and find peace.
Sending hugs,
Molly

jami said...

Thinking of you and your family.

Meghan said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. As Molly said I've also been cheering you on across cyberspace and now I'm cheering you for your bravery to discuss something so personal and tough, and yet such a significant issue to so many of your readers. Thank you. Wishing you all strength and peace... hang in there.

Angela Mae said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband and I are sending you supportive and kind thoughts. You are such an inspiration, even (and perhaps especially) in difficult times.

Therese T. said...

Oh, Sara...hugs. Jess, Jmike, Bella (our standard poodle) and I will be in Austin at my in-laws' house this weekend, if you have time to hang out. Again, hugs.

racheous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Allow yourself to grieve however you need to and try to be kind to yourself. I will be thinking of you and your family.

My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage (found out at our 13 week scan that our bub passed away a few weeks prior). The waiting is very hard to miscarry naturally but I personally was so glad that I did wait.

Onnie said...

So sorry for your loss, Sara and Matt. My heart goes out to you both.

Catoctin Mountain Mama said...

Sara, my heart breaks for your family. I am so sorry. Sending healing thoughts your way. Be kind and gentle with yourself over the next few months. Thinking of you...

Cara said...

I am so sorry for your family's loss, Sara. I think it's a great idea to honor your pregnancy and baby by planting a succulent. I hope it helps through the grieving process and I wish you all the best.

Anonymous said...

Sarah, Matt, and Henry,
I am so sorry that you are going through this experience. Having been thru a miscarriage as well, it is not a wonderful place to be. I went through a natural miscarriage, and have to say that the entire process was very cathartic in itself. It was painful, pretty gross, but I'm glad I did it; mainly because it's a good way (at least for myself) to start the healing process. That being said, the things my midwife told me were to be kind to yourself, and take your time, mentally and physically. Thinking about you guys,
Lilly

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a natural miscarriage earlier this year-- I am glad I elected to miscarry naturally.

Thinking of you.

Molly said...

I'm truly sorry to hear this and hope you and your family continue to heal and thrive after the sadness. I would hope that you could find a little solace in the fact that you became aware of your pregnancy so early on and were able to spend as much time "aware" of his or her life as you did. That little baby knew what it was like to be loved, protected and cared for - you did your job as it's mother if only for a short period of time.

This little one had a purpose in it's life - be open to what it will teach you whether it's to push you to try again, wait or just reach out to other women in a similar situation.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. Thank you so much for sharing your story, even these difficult aspects.
I really appreciate your open and honest sharing.

Justine said...

I am so sorry for you and your family, Sara. Thank you for your openness.

redfrizzz said...

so sorry for your loss. trust your body is doing what is best, and that your mind will give you direction. rest. love on Henry, receive love and comfort from those around you, and take the time and intent to mourn what is lost. don't push the river, it will flow by itself.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sara,

My sister recommended your blog to me because she knows my partner and I are trying to have a baby. We have been trying for awhile now, and when I read you were pregnant again I felt a little twinge of envy. And wished that I could hurry up and be in the place you were, so I could read your experiences and understand what you were going through.

Not having had a positive test result yet, I can only imagine what it must be like to have that, and then to lose it. You seem like such a positive, beautiful person, I hope you can cry and grieve and then look forward to what comes next. I am also trying to remind myself that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, and to be grateful for the joy and excitement in trying to create life with someone that you love.

xx B

cicile said...

Thinking of you. And Matt.
Feeling sorry for you.
Sending you hugs.

Hegsy said...

So sorry for your family's loss.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sarah,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and am thinking of and praying for you and Matt at this time.
I lost a child a couple of years ago, and a friend recommended when I was ready, to do some kind of ritual with my partner, to symbolise letting go. we bought a bird and released her into the wild. I found it helpful. It was a way of recognising that even though we never met her, she was real and we needed to say goodbye.
However you decide to grieve, I really hope you have people around you to support you and love you as you move forward.

Rachel said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine the grief your heart feels. My heart and prayers are with your little family as you go through this time together.

katie joe said...

sara, my heart aches for you and matt. thinking of you both.

Anaïs said...

Dear Sarah, I am sorry for you and Matt. I send you millions of friendly thoughts from Belgium.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear that Sarah, I've been there and I wish you and your family all the best <3
It's hard, but trusting in your body is absolutely right, it knows what is best for you
big big hugs xx

BethanyBoo said...

I'm so sorry about your loss. You're so brave for sharing it with us.

Erin said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Sara. Like others have said, though I only know you from this blog (and only discovered it a few weeks ago), you have been in my thoughts many times over the last few days... wondering how you are doing and hoping that you are finding comfort during this time. I appreciate and admire you tremendously for sharing this experience. It is truly enlightening and will help me and others support friends and sisters through similar experiences. And like other have said, I completely understand if you decide to not talk about it! Wishing you peace and comfort.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I've had two miscarriages in the last year, and am still grieving. I was very grateful that my OB offered Cytotec (Misoprostol). It is a drug that contracts the uterus and starts labor. It is a middle road between going completely natural and a D&C, which can cause scarring in the uterus. This is a very personal decision, but for me, it meant that I could have a tiny bit of control over this horrible thing that was happening to me, and not drag out the inevitable, but also not risk future pregnancies with scarring.

The one book that has been most helpful as a good blend of personal experience and scientific information has been "Coming to Term" by Jon Cohen.

Lela Thorne said...

I am so sorry. I recently read about another miscarriage on this blog. It might be helpful to you:
http://stillparenting.blogspot.com/2012/06/my-miscarriage.html

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