A Little Free Library popped up in our neighborhood, and Henry and I were very excited about stopping by. We finally did one day after school, and we each got a book. I grabbed Little Bee by Chris Cleave.
Right before bed on Saturday night, I started reading the first chapter.
And then I teared up. I cried because I couldn't remember the last time I held a fiction book in my hand to read it for fun. Seriously.
I remember when Tate was born (almost two years ago now!) and I read lots and lots of fiction books in those early days of middle-of-the-night breastfeeding (on my phone, using the Kindle app).
But I literally cannot remember the last time I held a real fiction book.
I understand why this part of my life has been put on hold, but understanding the reasons doesn't make it any less sad.
I started reading a lot of non-fiction books in preparation for pregnancy back in 2010. And then Henry was born in 2011 and any spare minute I had went into writing my own book. And then we moved to Austin and I started pursuing my dream and very quickly I was pregnant again and all I could do to keep my eyes open during my free time was to watch Gossip Girls. And then there was my miscarriage and my third pregnancy soon after that. And then Tate arrived and then school started. So, yeah, not a lot of time for reading fiction.
But fiction transforms me. It illuminates the human condition and let's me work through moral and ethical dilemmas from the safety of my couch.
And this book is no exception!
I definitely want to get back into the habit of reading actual fiction books that you can hold in your hands. If I read on my phone, my children have no idea whether I'm on Facebook or actually reading a book. I want my kids to clearly see that I love reading and that I'm a voracious reader (and I want to make more time to actually be one!).
I slowly feel like I am clawing my way out of the hole of early motherhood. I know it doesn't feel like a hole to everyone, but it has been an incredibly difficult time for Matt and me. Tate is almost two and I feel our life getting easier and easier. Phew!
Join us for the First Annual Reflection & Rejuvenation Retreat in Austin, TX, July 10th to 12th!