Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Is the Vasectomy Working?

The answer is yes. And the answer to this question: "Did you really make your husband go to the doctor to check to make sure his vasectomy is working?" is also yes. 

I hear stories about people who accidentally have third children, even though their husbands have had vasectomies. I didn't want that to be us. 

It's hard. On the one hand, I can absolutely understand why someone would want a third child. The truth is, when I'm 60, I'm sure I would love having three adult children. I love the idea of more personalities and more variety in our family. But that path from 39 to 60 would not be better for us with a third child. We are just now getting to a place where our family feels like more fun than work. And Tate is almost four! If we started over again, Henry would be 11 years-old before life settled down again. I don't want to miss out on his experience from 6 years to 11 years--those are my favorite years of childhood! Tate would be almost nine. 

I can totally understand why someone would reset, but it's not the right decision for our family. We want to travel to Australia without having to buy another expensive plane ticket. We want to keep our tiny Honda Fit. We don't want to saddle our children with college debt and we want to go on several vacations every year.

Even as I write those things, it feels like I'm elevating materialistic things about relationships. And I know with all my heart that good relationships are at the core of a happy life. But--knowing myself--I honestly think my relationships with Matt, Henry, and Tate will be better for the next several years if we don't add the stress of raising another life. And the reality is that I already have a third child--my career--and I like it that way. I want to find purpose and joy through family and have a meaningful career that contributes to the broader world and have time for exercise and have time to pursue my creative pursuits and have time to just connect and be present with people. 

If you get the sense that I'm trying to convince myself not to have a third child, you're right! I'm getting this all out so I can read it when I'm 60 and am regretful of the fact that I didn't have more children. 

Until then, I'll enjoy my life! 

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